“All of my clients today were time wasters,”

 I told my regular-client "S," my frequent—and now rather unprofessional—emotional carport.

“So no sex today?” he asked.

My response was instant: “Not ‘no sex.’ No work.”

That exchange stayed with me. It crystallizes the question I’m always mulling over: what is sex in sex-work, and when is it simply work? And to be clear: "work" isn’t a dirty word here. Work is the income, it’s the baseline in building boundaries and schedules. 

But we all know there’s a spectrum in how it feels. 

 The Sex That Felt Like Connection

With S, it was incredible sex I happened to get paid for. What made it transcend work?

The golden element is trust: when I arrived, he was exactly who he said he was, had exactly what he said he would bring, and was respectful and kind. But more than that, our chemistry was out of this world. He engaged with me like I was his girlfriend, like I meant the world to him in the small moment we spent together, and therefore we were able to let go and just devour each other. To live fully and truthful in the moment.

So, now we speak frequently on a personal level and enjoy it without feeling contained into a professional dynamic. (to hell with professional boundaries!! 🤓. just kidding! professional boundaries are important)

The Sex That Felt like Work

When does sex become work?

It becomes work when the client is not as discerning in the way he speaks to me, when he is constantly negotiating prices in order to fit his budget rather than my skill, when he arrives and is afraid to even hug me because he thinks I’m a carrier of diseases…

I guess all of these factors signal distrust. This lack of trust causes it to feel like work to just get through it. It’s a transaction to manage rather than a human encounter to enjoy.

Reframing "Work": The Common Ground

Here’s what we must remember: the "work" in sex-work should refer to the income, the skill development, the offering of time. It’s the professional foundation. Just like in any job, the experience of work is multi-dimensional.

Something sex workers and non-sex workers have in common is that we go to work to first and foremost make an income. But while at work we like to develop connections, friendships, be treated with respect and have our boundaries respected,  and engage in healthy ways of communication. The "work" is the container. What happens inside it—a sterile transaction or a genuine, passionate connection—is what changes everything.

A Note for Clients:

If you want the experience to feel less like a transaction and more like the passionate connection you're likely seeking, understand this: you get to choose. Showing up as your word, respecting the rate, and engaging with your lovers humanity isn't just "being nice"—it's building the trust that shifts the dynamic from "work we have to get through" to "sex we get to have together."

 My Goal: The Sweet Spot

So, as I think this through (cuz like I said, I’m mullin’ it over in my noggin) —as a sex worker I want to emphasize the  sex aspect in my bookings so it doesn’t feel like work for any of us. But I can only do that from the solid fundamentals of work: clear prices, set boundaries, protected time.

My aim is to curate a space where the income (the work) is the respected frame, and the connection  (the sex) is the living art inside it. That’s the sweet spot. That’s what makes it sustainable, human, and truly incredible for everyone involved.

Hope I answered your question, S ☺️